There are times when thoughts skitter through your brain like mice behind a wall. You hear them, you sense their approximate location, but you can’t see them or identify them as individuals. This experience usually precipitates a period of hallucinations, although sometimes it happens afterward.
When your thoughts skitter, it is impossible to concentrate. You find yourself sitting in a chair with several hours gone by and you don’t have any way of accounting for your time. Not only did you think nothing, you accomplished nothing. Keeping on a schedule or to a to-do list in this condition is a monumental chore in itself. Showing up on time is a crapshoot – you may make it, you may not.
At times like this, your personal hygiene suffers, because you don’t have the time or attention to pay toward such endeavors. You often go without meals and when you do eat it’s either raw or burnt because cooking seems like a long lost art form with all the busyness going on inside. Even simple house chores become laborious. You can’t remember a chain of events or the timing of events (did that happen yesterday or the day before?). You can only manage a maximum of one activity at a time and more often than not, that activity is staring blankly into space. Multi-tasking is definitely not a possibility during this phase. Conversation is strictly a responsibility which you find yourself often unable to perform. When you can manage a chat, you find yourself unable to retain or remember what was said on either side.
Still, you continue on with the arduous task of collecting your thoughts into some identifiable shape. Unfortunately, like the mice, you know they are there – you just don’t know exactly how to get at them.