Being a transforming bi-polar is a unique experience. During this phase, I often feel like a pinball, bouncing off of boundaries and running into sparse and far-reaching limits. It must be apparent to all that I am unstable, although true to the theory of relativity, I myself feel somehow grounded, as if it were really the world careening around me. The ball is nothing other than a ball, no matter where it is in the game.
Throughout the time of conversion I believe I am so confused with the sheer volume of sensory input that I really simply fail to see my wandering personality for what it really is. I guess the saying “No matter where you are, that’s exactly where you’re at.” best describes it. I am usually quite ill, and dealing with more emotion than was ever intended for a human being to experience. The one thing that is freeing in this time is the fact that I just don’t see the limitations one normally perceives when making judgments.
The lack of inhibition sets one free to rediscover and question again even the most fundamental portions of their personality. This is how a person may appear to be a political conservative on one day and yet justify liberalism on the next. This is not only true for political venues, but also in every aspect of a personality and the traits therein.
Obviously, the person experiencing this type of change is what we call a “hot mess”. People generally don’t know how to react to the increasingly altered persona. This is where relationships are lost and found. This is where one personality crumbles to reveal an entirely different person. This is also where the bi-polar needs someone the most, to ground them and remind them that they are loved.