I may be bi-polar, but I'm medicated

A little window into the bi-polar world

Diving Board

In between manic and depressive cycles there is this particular point of time where you’re neither.  It’s a lot like being on a diving board, preparing for a dive.  You press down into depression only to spring back up into mania.  This is followed by a gravitational pull into a deeper depression and an even higher mania until you finally plummet into the deep waters of the crash that inevitably follows such a pattern.

There is a moment though when your feet are touching the board and you are neither up nor down.  This moment should not be confused with the inactivity equated with stability, it is simply a moment when you are central.  The bi-polar moment doesn’t feel stable, but it’s rather a moment when you gather your senses and realize how terrible it is or is not yet.  It’s a little like taking a deep breath when you’re being flogged in fact, because it’s so short and essential.

This incredibly small window is the only time you really have to effectively create treatment plans or discuss with your health care provider what’s going on.  Before you know it, you will be even more disabled by another cycle, whether up or down on the board.  While in the middle of a cycle, you can follow the treatment plan and report what you feel at the moment, but are helpless to create much of anything outside of chaos.  Timing becomes imperative and the struggle to reach help, or help yourself, at just this balanced moment ensues.

These are the moments a bi-polar will call into the 24 hour help line or call a friend.  This is the moment when I approach Trusty Boyfriend/Knight In Shining Armor and say “Take me to the hospital.”  This moment of being neither up nor down is full of emotion and crisis.  Eventually, this moment will end with some sort of motion; perhaps the actual dive that will bring the commencement of true stability.

 

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One thought on “Diving Board

  1. Karen, you write so beautifully and vividly. Thanks for sharing and providing insight into a disorder so many of us don’t truly understand. And thanks for joining the Wednesday Writers. We are so pleased you’re in the group!

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