Queen of Understatement
It has been said (by several of my friends no less) that I am the queen of an understatement. Some of my writing evidently lacks that finesse which allows me to appropriately convey the drama or crisis in a situation. I think this is okay, because in real life, I am the same way. It is in fact, my opinion that if a bi-polar is to be (or even appear to be) functional in today’s world, this is a necessary skill to acquire – at least when it comes to emotional events.
A bi-polar person experiences an overwhelming mass of emotion on a daily basis. I’ve always heard the comparison to a normal person: take the very best day of your entire life and the very worst day of your entire life, put them together in one day, and that is what the bi-polar feels on a regular basis. This is most certainly true, or at least it rings true to me, and catastrophic cycles only increase the emotional magnitude. You can’t just go around with this incredible weight on your emotional shoulders all of the time. You’ve got to bring it into perspective according to those around you. This brings me to a second opinion about supposedly functioning bi-polar people, which is you just gotta adapt.
If I were not to adapt my emotional phrasing to mere trifles, I would be constantly caught up in a thespian calamity. I am nearly 45 years old, and frankly to disabled to continue on in this crisis. (I mean it was okay in my youth, but you get tired after a spell.) I thought the idea was to appear more functional (and in fact be more functional) not to continue on in dramatic upheaval, where a simple choice can make the difference between life and death, for the entire span of your being. When you really feel and experience the life altering commotion while others around you do not, you have two choices: 1. Play out what you feel and damn the world – or – 2. Change the way you categorize and term experiences and emotions so that you are more acceptable to all. Most bi-polars choose the first, I chose the second and adapted my phraseology.
Now when someone is thrashing a windshield in with a sledgehammer, I say “Boy, he’s really miffed.” This isn’t an intentional understatement, it’s just how I would describe my own emotional state to others in a manner they can relate to or understand. My emotions are big in a huge way, but that doesn’t make them essentially different from the emotions of a normal person. I don’t feel like being bi-polar makes me any less of a person, so I adapt to make myself appear more normal. Isn’t that what everyone wants? To fit in a little better?
It should, therefore, be noted for the purpose of reading my journals that I am the queen of an understatement and objects (at least emotional ones) may be larger than they appear.